WrestleMania

It's Wrestlemania 27. And that means it's time for a running diary! My first wrestling PPV in over 5 years. The wife is less than pleased.

7:03 p.m. And we're under way from Atlanta, Georgia. Holy shit, there's gotta be 70,000 people in the Georgia Dome for WrestleMania 27!

7:04 p.m. He's here! The Rock's entrance takes 4 minutes.

7:07 p.m. The Rock is in the ring.

You know what's coming: "Finally, The Rock has come back to Atlanta!"

"And finally, The Rock has come back to Wrestlemania!"

And finally, The Rock is back in a ridiculous jogging suit, sweating his nuts off.

Predictably, The Rock is not happy with John Cena and he hates Fruity Pebbles.

Oooh, The Rock is not cooking alone tonight, he's cooking with The People.

7:15 p.m. Wrestlemania hype video. Really, we're gonna go close to 20 minutes without a match?

I mean, I know Vince McMahon hates the word "wrestling," but I didn't know he hated the act too.

7:18 p.m. Alright, we're kicking off the in-ring action with a bang:

Match 1: Alberto Del Rio with Brodus Clay vs. Edge (c) with Christian for the World Heavyweight Title

Jerry Lawler and Josh Matthews are ringside to call the action. Michael Cole is also there in some protective cage, reminds me of the Pope mobile. And thankfully, the Spanish announcers' are present as well. Odds the Spanish announcers' table gets destroyed throughout the night: 3:2. I'll take affirmative.

Although Del Rio has his own Spanish ring announcer introduce him on his way, formal ring intros are done with both men in the ring. Here we go!

7:23 p.m. The first match is finally...and the Evil Conservative Achiever means finally...underway.

7:27 p.m. Del Rio controls the early action in his first WrestleMania ever. It's only a matter of time before Christian and Brodus Clay become involved in the festivities...

7:28 p.m. Oh no! Del Rio dives at Edge and flies through ropes to the outside, turning the tide. Edge responds with a flip over the top rope to Del Rio on the floor.

7:29 p.m. Arm drag off the top rope has Del Rio, in his gold trunks, back in control. Edge answer with a spinning back kick to the head after an irish whip. Big boot by Edge.

By the way, Brodus Clay is an ugly motherfucker and his hair is cut unevenly.

7:31 p.m. Edge with an "Edgesaw" (who knew?) for a 2 count. Del Rio reverses a roll into an arm bar. Edge reaches the ropes but he was in trouble.

7:32 p.m. Holy shit! Del Rio with a Ghettoblaster on Edge while he was on the top ropes. Crazy.

Clay and Christian get into it on the outside.

7:33 p.m. Edge with a DDT on Del Rio. The crowd is on its feet! Edge misses a spear and Del Rio slaps on a modified armbar after some interference from Clay.

Edge battles out and slaps on a modified version of Sting's Scorpion Deathlock. Christian takes out Clay on the outside to ensure no more interference.

Del Rio then fights his way out but Edge hits the spear for the 3 count!

Winner: Edge (c) to retain the World Heavyweight Championship!

I'd give that one 2 1/2 stars out of 4.

Post-match, Edge attacks Del Rio's Rolls Royce, kicking the door and dropping and elbow on the hood. Christian pulls out a tire iron and hands it to Edge who vandalizes the paint job and the windows. That wasn't very nice.

Match 2: Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes

Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, the beginning of this match coincides with dinner time. And my fucking cable started going all wonky with lots of static. Annoying.

After Rhodes removes Mysterio's knee brace, Mysterio removes Rhodes' protective mask. Mysterio puts the hard protective mask on and uses it against Rhodes. The ref takes the mask away and Rhodes slams Mysterio's in the head with the knee brace which had previously been thrown out of the ring. Rhodes hits his finisher and gets the pin.

Winner: Cody Rhodes

I was only semi-watching, but that match was nothing special. 2 out of 4 stars.

Snoop Dogg is in the house. He and Teddy Long are backstage getting high or something in some silly backstage skit. The Bella Twins make an appearance and no red-blooded male can complain about that.

Match 3: Ezekiel Jackson, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel and Wade Barrett vs. Big Show, Kane, Santino Marella and Kofi Kingston

Santino is ridiculous, and funny, but mainly ridiculous. You have to love his unibrow. Kofi Kingston loves fluorescent green. Meh.

8:06 p.m. And this 8 man tag is underway with Santino in there with Heath Slater to start off. This one quickly descends into chaos with all 8 men battling. Big Show earns the quick pin at 8:08 p.m.

Winners: Big Show, Kane, Santino Marella and Kofi Kingston

1 star.

Wow. That was all about getting 8 guys who they have no ideas for onto the show.

Match 4: Randy Orton vs. CM Punk

8:16 p.m. This could be an excellent match. Following a lengthy hype video for this match, CM Punk makes his way to the ring. He's a straight edge douche, so the default is rooting for Orton, who is also a douche, but at least he's not sXe. Both may be douches, but both can wrestle.

Orton begins his entrance. It's been a while since I watched wrestling, but Orton looks small. Getting off the roids will do that for you. Anxious to see what HHH looks like later tonight.

8:21 p.m. Orton is in control early, with the story being that he's working on a bad wheel. His right knee is heavily bandaged. Things head to the outside and Punk kicks the ring stairs into Orton's bad knee. That son of a bitch.

Cross body by Punk from the top rope ends in a 2 count. Orton selling the knee injury as Punk mocks him. After Punk "hyperextends" Orton's knee with a drop, Matthews says, "This is definitely the beginning of the end." which means in wrestling, "This is definitely not the beginning of the end."

After Punk hands Orton up on the turnbuckle, stands on his bad knee and drops his boots onto Orton's face, Orton kicks out late before the 3.

Orton counters Punks finisher into an attempt at his own, but Punk counters into a head kick. Orton again kicks out at 2.

8:28 p.m. Orton posts Punk on the turnbuckle. As Punk commiserates with his balls, Orton works for a superplex. And he hits it! Orton with the cover and Punk kicks out at 2.

Punk rings Orton's knee into the corner post from the outside and slaps on a leg lock on Orton around the post.

Haha. Orton pretends to bite the post due to the pain.

Back in the ring, Punk slaps a leg lock on Orton and punches away at the knee. Orton fights out and is no longer selling the knee injury. Like it didn't happen. You gotta love wrestling.

Punk fights back and sweeps Orton at the knee. Punk grabs Orton in the Anaconda Device or something like that and Orton reaches the ropes. The ref breaks the hold.

This is a pretty methodical, but good, match, notwithstanding the knee injury that comes and goes.

Orton with a modified DDT through the ring ropes and he then starts slapping the mat.

HAHAHA! Orton goes for his finisher, which is basically a kick to the head of a downed opponent (very sporting, I know) and his knee finally gives out. Wrestling never changes.

8:36 p.m. Orton springs up and goes for his finisher, the RKO, and Punk gets out of the way.

Orton struggles back to his feet, goes up top and leaps into a flying RKO from Orton.

Great finishing maneuver. Very good match. Not 4 stars, but very good.

Winner: Randy Orton.

3 stars out of 4.

Backstage, John Cena's biggest fan is in the building! It's Pee-Wee Herman!

Pee-Wee, The Rock and Mean Gene Okerlund (in purple and yellow Cena gear) in a fairly funny skit.

Where else can you see Pee-Wee and a 65 year old white man in clothes that would make a rapper proud?

All the Hall of Fame inductees are brought out. Some guy with a "BEN" sign is in the crowd. I'm there!

Booker T comes out to the ring to announce the next match.

And out comes JR!!!

Jim Ross! Jim Ross is in the building! Yay!

Match 5: Jerry "The King" Lawler vs. Michael Cole with Jack Swagger, with Special Referee: Steve Austin

If this match doesn't result in every single participant except Lawler (and maybe even him) getting Stunners and being covered in beer, I'll eat my hat.

8:48 p.m. Michael Cole with a long, meandering speech making fun of Lawler and JR. Fuck you, Michael Cole. Jim Ross is the man.

Wow. Cole's wrestling singlet is fucking awesome. It's orange, ill-fitting and ridiculous.

The glass breaks and in comes Stone Cold on an ATV almost running over Jack Swagger and Michael Cole!

Ah, Jim Ross is announcing again! That's fun.

Finally, The King is on the way to the ring looking as ridiculous as ever, complete with a crown.

This match will be light on talent, but should be high on entertainment.

8:55 p.m. Cole refuses to get in the ring, so Stone Cold rings the bell anyway.

Lawler throws Swagger aside and Cole begs off in his Pope protection booth.

8:57 p.m. Lawler attacks Cole in the booth and climbs in. Our first classic JR reference: "Cole tried to run like a scalded dog!"

Lawler throws Cole in the ring and gets attacked by Swagger on the outside. Cole distracts Austin while Swagger continues to attack Lawler on the outside.

Wow. No one showed Cole how to do anything. Lawler's acting job on this is Oscar-worthy.

This would be horrible if it weren't so ridiculous. Lawler is being forced to sell non-offense from Cole, but everyone knows what's coming.

Finally, Cole does a "move" in slapping on an ankle lock. Lawler fighting it...fighting it...flips over and counters by kicking Cole into the corner.

Lawler stomping on Cole in the corner. JR, with some prompting from Booker T, points out he is "stomping a mudhole" in Cole.

Swagger tries to throw in the towel, climbs in the ring and his hit with a Stone Cold Stunner!

Things are starting to pick up...

Cole gets into a shoving match with Austin before Lawler begins dropping right hand after right hand on Cole.

Holy shit! The King hits a drop kick on Cole!

Let me repeat that. The King hits a drop kick on Cole.

Lawler drops a right hand on Cole from the 2nd rope, gets a 2 count and pulls Cole up, stopping the count.

Lawler then slaps on an ankle lock of his own and Cole taps for 30 seconds before Austin finally calls for the bell. Swagger carries Cole out of the arena while Austin and Lawler celebrate with Steveweisers!

Winner: Jerry "The King" Lawler

Booker T hits the ring and does a spinerooni in celebration. Austin gives him a Steveweiser and hits the Stunner on Booker T!

Haha. JR calls Austin the "unpredictable rattlesnake." No, that was about as predictable as you can get.

The Raw GM emails in to the arena and Matthews reads the email which states that due to Austin's interference, Lawler is disqualified and Cole is the winner.

Austin has Lawler drag Matthews into the ring and in a classic example of shooting the messenger, Austin stuns Matthews and takes a few Steveweisers for the road on his ATV.

Adjusted Winner: Michael Cole

1/2 star out of 4 but that match was never about being a good match, it was about getting Stone Cold onto the show and setting up JR announcing the rest of the night for the main matches.

This sets things up for JR to announce the remainder of the show, which is as it should be. And that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so.

Match 6: Triple H vs. The Undertaker in a No Holds Barred Match - The Undertaker's 18-0 streak/record at WrestleMania is on the line!

9:23 p.m. Triple H comes out to a ridiculous introduction including a bunch of people carrying shields to Metallica's For Whom the Bell Tolls before swapping to his standard Motorhead intro song.

Alright, Triple H looks like he's still on the roids. It's good to be married to the boss's daughter.

9:27 p.m. The Dead Man's bells chime and Johnny Cash's tunes accompany The Undertaker to the ring.

9:32 p.m. And the match is underway. The 18-0 streak is on the line!

9:33 p.m. The Undertaker begins to disassemble the Spanish announcers' table before getting tackled through Michael Cole's Pope protection cube. The Spanish announcers' table is still in place...

9:37 p.m. Triple H tries to give The Undertaker a Pedigree on the regular announcers table before The Undertaker reverses into a back body drop to the floor. That had to hurt. Yes, wrestling is "fake," but that had to hurt.

9:38 p.m. The Undertaker launches over the top rope at Triple H on the floor but doesn't quite completely clear the ropes, landing short. Ouch again.

The ring steps are set up in front of the Spanish announcers table and Triple H slams The Phenom through the table. Knew that was coming at some point!

Chokeslam by The Undertaker and HHH kicks out at 2!

After a series of reversals, Triple H hits a spinebuster for a 2 count.

The Game grabs a chair ringside and brings it into the ring.

The Undertaker takes the chair away and slams it over Triple H's back. HHH battles back and hits the Pedigree. 2 count and The Undertaker kicks out!

Triple H sets up The Undertaker in the corner but gets reversed into The Last Ride. 2 count and The Game kicks out.

Uh oh. The Undertaker calls for the Tombstone...and hits it...but HHH kicks out!

The Undertaker is incredulous!

The Undertaker sets up the chair for a Tombstone on the chair but Triple H hits a DDT on the chair instead. Both men are laid out.

JR points out that both are looking for their "vertical base" as they both struggle to their feet.

C'mon, Undertaker, don't let this asshole break your streak...

9:51 p.m. Both men reach their feet and Triple H hits the Pedigree for a loooooong 2 count. The streak is alive!

9:52 p.m. Another Pedigree and another kick out!

9:53 p.m. Triple H beats on The Undertaker with the steel chair and orders him to "Stay down!"

9:55 p.m. Triple H slams the steel chair into The Undertaker's face flattening him out but Triple H makes no attempt to cover The Dead Man.

9:56 p.m. Triple H implores The Undertaker to "Stay down! Just die! What's wrong with you?!"

9:57 p.m. The Undertaker struggles back to his feet and beckons Triple H on...Triple H does the throat slash and hits The Tombstone on The Undertaker...

BUT THE UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT AT 2!!!

Triple H scoots away, frustrated at being unable to finish The Dead Man! Disbelief on the face of The Game.

9:59 p.m. Triple H goes outside and looks for his iconic sledgehammer from beneath the ring.

Triple H drags The Undertaker back into the ring before being placed in a triangle choke by the Undertaker! The sledgehammer is lost in the scuffle.

Triple H fighting off the choke but his body starts to go limp. He reaches for and grasps the sledgehammer before his arm goes limp again and he drops it!

10:02 p.m. Finally, Triple H taps out!!

The Undertaker moves to 19-0 at WresleMania!

Winner: The Undertaker

Both men remain collapsed on the mat. A very, very good match, but not great. 3 out of 4 stars.

I thought for sure that Shawn Michaels was going to become involved in that one somehow.

Both men continue to sell their injuries, with The Undertaker collapsing to the floor outside the ring as Triple H looks on.

The Undertaker's music finishes with him still laying on the floor at ringside as the ref and a single medic look on/attend to him. A stretcher/cart is brought to ringside to help him out of the arena.

Match 7: John Morrison, Trish Stratus and Snooki vs. Dolph Ziggler, Layla and Michelle McCool

Here comes the T&A (minus Snooki). Yay, Trish!

Trish comes out with brown hair. Nice! Nice boobs too!

Ugh. And Snooki comes out. Dumb.

10:16 p.m. Finally, this mixed tag is underway. Snooki slaps Dolph Ziggler. and we start off with Michelle McCool v. Trish. The ladies go to the top rope, with Trish showing off some nice ass cleavge before they spill to the floor. That looked dangerous.

Trish with a splash on both members of LayCool on the outside. Michelle McCool tries to kick Trish, misses, and hammers Layla.

The men then become involved briefly with Morrison taking Ziggler out.

Trish then tags in Snooki who does a cartwheel/backflip into a handspring elbow. Wow. Didn't see that coming. Snooki then hits a cartwheel splash onto McCool for the pin.

Winners: John Morrison, Trish Stratus and Snooki

1 star.

Live Attendance is announced at 71,617. Impressive.

Match 8: John Cena vs. The Miz (c) for the WWE Championship

10:25 p.m. After a hype video, the Champ makes his way to the ring first. That's fucking stupid. Cleveland's own, The Miz comes out with his boyfriend, Alex Riley.

Funny story: SallyMonkeys and I "met," meaning said Hi to The Miz at the Mushroomhead concert in Cleveland in November. We then witnessed a bunch of his meathead friends take off their shirts and stomp around in the mosh pit. Douchebags. The Miz was gracious enough, and clearly didn't want to be the center of attention, but he was a good sport about it.

10:28 p.m. After The Miz reaches the ring, a fucking gospel choir is now on stage to help with John Cena's musical introduction. Ugh. Cena sucks.

10:33 p.m. Cena finally makes his way to the ring. They better hurry up if they want to get in Cena's post-match confrontation with The Rock.

10:34 p.m. Formal ring introductions are completed.

JR reminds us that John Cena has never lost at WrestleMania in a singles match. He is 8-0 in such matches. Hopefully that streak ends tonight.

10:36 p.m. The match is finally under way.

Cena controls the early going. The Miz takes advantage of a ref breakup to take control and stomp on Cena in the corner as a fan in an orange Cleveland Cavs jersey in the front row cheers him on.

JR mentions his admiration for Cena's "government mule" like toughness in another classic JR reference. Good times.

The Miz continues to control the somewhat methodical action before telegraphing a charge into the corner. Cena bolts and The Miz hits the turnbuckle. Cena briefly takes control before The Miz kicks out of a pin attempt and kicks Cena down.

The Miz measure Cena for a big boot when the wannabe rapper turns around. 2 count and Cena kicks out.

10:42 p.m. A weak Cena sucks chant starts.

Things moving sorta slowly. The crowd is now fairly quiet.

The Miz attempts a full nelson before Cena fights back. Cena connects off the ropes and slams The Miz. A 5-knuckle shuffle lands before The Miz counters an attitude adjustment with a DDT for a 2 count.

The Miz hits a modified kneebreaker for another 2 count.

Cena counters The Miz and slaps on an STF(U). The Miz reaches the ropes.

Riley distracts Cena as The Miz lands his finisher but Cena kicks out at 2.

The Miz measures Cena for his finisher again but gets thrown into the referee for our first ref bump of the evening. Cena lands the Attitude Adjustment but the ref is down and cannot count. As Cena tries to wake the ref, Alex Riley is in the ring and hits Cena in the head with a briefcase. The Miz makes the cover and Cena kicks out at 2.

Riley now distracts the ref and The Miz grabs the briefcase. He swings and misses Cena and hits Riley on the ring apron. Cena with another Attitude Adjustment and The Miz kicks out at 2!

The crowd finally is starting to get into it.

On the outside, Cena hits The Miz with a clothesline over the barricade on the outside and into the crowd. Cena then leaps over the barricade onto The Miz and both men are down.

The referee counts both men out and declares a double countout. The Miz retains the title on the double countout.

Winner: The Miz

This cannot end this way...

10:52 p.m. The Rock's music hits and he runs to the ring.

As the Rock reaches the ring, the Raw GM's computer dings with an email.

The Rock consults the computer. "As the Raw General Manager, I think..." "It doesn't matter what you think!" as The Rock throws the laptop to the floor.

As the host, The Rock decrees that there is no way the match is over. He orders the match restarted with No DQ, No countouts, etc.

10:55 p.m. Cena throws The Miz back into the ring and tries for the Attitude Adjustment but The Miz bails. The Rock then hits the Rock Bottom on Cena! The Miz slides in and pins Cena!

Haha!!!

The Miz celebrates in the ring as The Rock looks on. The Rock jumps into the ring and attacks The Miz, "laying the smack down," in JR's terms.

Spinebuster from the Rock on The Miz and he's got it set up...

The People's Elbow is dropped on The Miz as The Rock ascends the turnbuckle.

Adjusted Winner: The Miz (c) to retain the WWE Championship!

2 1/2 stars.

Well, the fans got what they wanted, but that was a less than perfect ending to the event. It made both main event wrestlers looks somewhat weak at the expense of The Rock, but that's what he was there for.

Post-script: Not a bad show at all. I enjoyed it. It wasn't the type of show that would get me to return to being a weekly customer of WWE's shows/products, but I was entertained for the night. The ending could have been stronger, but I cannot complain. There were no absolutely great matches. I may have slightly underrated the HHH-Undertaker match, but I'd have to watch it again to make sure.